AAR- First Try With Space Wierdos
[Karl and I recently (...um, -ish?) had the opportunity to try out a game of Space Weirdos. What follows is a brief (...um, -ISH???) AAR of how the game went.
In the years before the outbreak of galactic civil war, Tanjarax IV held a lot of promise- at least in the eyes of orbital real-estate developers. The system was becoming a hyperspace crossroads with all of the key ingredients for a lucrative market: ready access to raw materials; a growing professional population with the budget and desire for luxury orbital accommodation (high above the hustle and bustle of the planet below); and a local government with fairly… let’s say malleable regulatory bodies. The years 414-419 A.P.E. (After Perforation of Earth) therefore saw a record number of zoning approvals for hypermassive luxury arcologies to be put into orbit around Tanjarax IV, complete with cutting-edge amenities like state-of-the-art SYNTHESIS MODULES for production of nutriment and material goods.
All of these projects were abandoned, however, with the attempted overthrow of the Magnifex in 420 A.P.E. As Tanjarax IV rapidly became a hotspot in the galaxy-wide conflict, the concerns of local authorities and developers shifted somewhat from “just how many billions of credits can we rake in?” to “just how fast can we get the hell out of this system? Seriously, does this craft have hyperdrive or what?”
The legacy they left are massive, drifting construction projects in the orbit of Tanjarax IV. Once the early chaos of the war ground to a stalemate, it did not take long for the golden albedo of gilded luxury hab-domes winking in the smoke-choked Tanjaran sky to catch the eye of partisan factions planetside. “Say,” they thought to themselves, “this war might be a hell of a lot easier to fight if we had some state-of-the-art SYNTHESIS MODULES around…”
“Confirmed docking point to sun-lee of the arcology. Estimated contact in 9 minutes. Oxygen envelope appears intact.”
“How long until it drifts into range of the PDF sensor picket?”
“Not long. Automated missile platforms will trigger in 15 minutes. But it should be a quick extraction.”
“I’m not so sure. I sense a slight arrhythmia in the pulse of the universe. I foresee trouble. No contact on that scrapper ship sighted earlier?”
“No, but the scrappers in this sector have the reputation for atypical cunning, and the synthesis equipment would be for them a highly valuable target.”
“Hmm. Yes, best to be prepared. Tell the team to charge their phase blades…”
/endtrans. Transmission intercepted by Neo-Statist Surveillance Probe and routed via the Divine Assemblage of Autonomous Data-Extracting Applets (DAADEA) to the Oracular Ticker~~~
Karl and I decided on the ‘Loot Boxes’ scenario from Space Weirdos. In our case, the loot boxes were the SYNTHESIS MODULES, represented on the table by arcano-tech scatter terrain markers. There are three on the board, and each side’s goal is to pick up as many as they can and get them off the table. To represent the half-complete, abandoned space arcology, we had the privilege of using a MDF modular corridor setup comprised of Black Site Studios modules from "The A.R.K." vault and "Arklight Metro" subway station sets. All built by Josh who also reviewed the Arklight Metro set.
On my side of the table, I had some of my favorite classic Eldar sculpts (including some Jes Goodwin 2nd ed figures) to play the part of space sorcerer HENT GALAX and his VOID PIRATE CREW.
Playing the part of MISTRESS SLICE and her SCRAPPER GANG on Karl’s side of the table were an old school Escher gang I painted for him years ago which also included a conversion of a Shockforce Mutant Dominatrix (can you spot her?) and an old Chaos Cup promotional figure acting as the psyker, BRAINS.
Hent Galax and his crew step from their shuttle into a derelict corridor, phase blades glowing.
Nearby, as the scrapper gang steps through the bulkhead they have breached, Brains appears to have a minor seizure. “Mistress Slice,” he gasps, “I have sensed it again. There is a powerful psychic presence aboard this station!”
Slice orders the gang to split up and sweep for the synthesis modules. Be prepared for anything.
They pick their way through corridors strewn with disused machinery. Blasti trains her energy rifle down the east corridor to cover her colleagues’ advance toward the atrium, around which most of the Synthesis Modules are arranged:
Slice approaches the Atrium from the north corridor, ready to blast the first insufferable void pirate she sees:
Hent sends his assault team ahead to secure the Atrium from the south…
…and orders heavy weapon specialist Magnon Gri to cover the hangar to the west of the atrium with his Auto Cannon:
“That should keep any scrapper scum busy,” he thinks. He orders crewman Hal Flinder to move covertly toward one of the Synthesis Modules. “The other is mine,” he says before reaching into the psychic stream of the universe and folding space around himself. When he steps forth once more, he has teleported onto the second level of the hangar, and before him is the second Synthesis Module.
But even as he reaches for it, a voice says “don’t move a skuzzing muscle, or i’ll zero you where you stand.”
Hent turns to see the scrapper Pony Goggles standing behind him, sword drawn, heavy pistol leveled at his head.
Meanwhile, the scrapper juves creep forward…
…and are greeted by gunfire and ricocheting bullets as the void pirate assault team opens fire across the atrium. The juves return fire and force one pirate to ground, then charge in. After a desperate scuffle, one of them is sent to the floor with a fizzing phase blade wound in her side.
The pirates advance into the atrium, but pay for their confidence as Blasti opens fire down the corridor, downing the pirate Zdzzt Tri. Mistress Slice herself then leaps forth and slaps a stasis crown on him. Scuzzbag pirates like these often carry bounties, and she isn’t one to turn down some extra revenue.
Blasti and Brains hustle up to secure the atrium by taking cover behind the railings of the old escalator.
Meanwhile, though, Hent Galax and Pony Goggles cross blades. The exchange is swift. There is a shower of sparks and a snarl of humming energy. Brains reaches the top of the escalator in time to see the aftermath: Pony Goggles steadies her blade, releases the breath she was holding, and falls to the sorcerer’s feet in several pieces.
“How dare you!” hisses Brains. He reaches out with his psychic will to fry Hent Galax’s mind, but it is a fortress he cannot breach.
Below them, an impatient Magnon Gri stomps out of the hangar, autocannon first. Brains is an easy target at the top of the escalator. By the time the unfortunate psyker has a chance to collect his will once more, he is already full of holes.
At this point Blasti opens up on Magnon and Slice bounds forward to engage the pirates emerging from the south corridor. The atrium briefly becomes a confusion of lasers, gunsmoke, and whining chainswords. Magnon Gri is blasted to slag by Blasti’s energy rifle, Blasti is cut to ribbons by Snik Dvei, who is in turn made twain by Slice’s sword.
Mistress Slice’s rampage seems unstoppable when Hax Primus, a pirate known for low cunning and deft phase blade work, springs an ambush from behind her. She turns the worst of the strike, but it is then that Hent Galax, Who Feels the Pulse of the Universe, spots his opening from the level above. He reaches out and wraps the fist of his mind around Slice’s brain, then squeezes it like putty through his fingers. The ferocious scrapper collapses to the floor of the atrium, red foam burbling from her ears.
It is at this point that the comm unit crackles at Galax’s belt. It’s crewman Hal Flinders; he’s located the second synthesis module.
It is also at this point that the arcology shakes as a projectile hits a distant deck. It is followed by a new impact every 10 seconds Exactly one minute previous, the arcology had passed into the sensor range of an automated missile defense system recently deployed in the area by what remains of the Tanjaran Planetary Defense Force.
“We withdraw,” commands Galax. “Get the modules to the extraction point. Now.”
The pirates hurry to comply. They have possession of two synthesis modules, but in the smoke and confusion of the disintegrating arcology, none of them notice Juniorette, the last remaining scrapper, hauling her mistress and the final module back toward their breaching craft. The module should get her enough credits to run her braindead leader through the regen pod a couple times. Then they can start planning. A new team, with a new mission: revenge on Hent Galax, Pirate Sorcerer.
Thanks for reading the battle report. Stay tuned for an upcoming summary of our impressions of the game and what I think makes it actually quite good. That will include some deep number crunching if you’re into that kind of thing.